The worst entry in the series thus far, Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 is a toothless vampire film which plays slave to its tween demographic.

Eclipse, the third entry in this self- described saga, made considerable ground in its attempt to create a watchable, exciting vampire melodrama. Breaking Dawn wipes that progress away in one swoop.

Perhaps it was the change of director? David Slade (who directed the bloody good 30 Days of Night) is replaced by Bill Condon (who directed the musical Chicago). It is a step up in credentials but not in genre experience.

Breaking Dawn Part 1 (how they love to drag these franchises out) features what the fans have been craving: the wedding and deflowering of teen lovers, the gloomy Bella (Kristen Stewart) and her vampire boyfriend Edward (Robert Pattinson). When their night of wedded passion leads to Bella being knocked up with a vampire baby, a dilemma presents itself: should Bella take the baby to full term even though it will kill her? Or should they destroy the unholy creation? All the while, Bella’s jealous wolf boy Jacob (Taylor Lautner) tries to keep the peace between the vampires and his mutt brothers.

Condon’s nice visual touch and the abortion debate does peek interest at times, yet is not enough from saving Breaking Dawn from its fate as a morose exercise in genre filmmaking.

What should have been the passionate and thrilling chapter of this story is the opposite. Neither Stewart or Pattison can wriggle their way out of the shell which are their boring characters, Condon’s stretching of the material drags rather than adds depth, and the constraints of its rating takes the passion out of the love story, with a broken poster bed and floating feathers the only suggestion of a night of necrophilia action (think about it).

What it really comes down to is that the Twilight movie series is simply no good, filled with ho-hum acting, bad writing, and boring direction. With its main demographic the female 12-15 year old range (save for the odd cougar drooling over the young man flesh on display), and its source material fuelled by the conservative Mormon morals of author Stephenie Meyer (as opposed to the Catholic infused theology of the classics), Twilight is as bland as the pale skinned, gloomy, sparkle in the sun, non-human blood drinking vampires that feature.

In short: it’s a supernatural sap crossed with a funeral procession played out with the plastic authenticity of a Mattel toy range.

Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 is not only a boring movie, it is also a lousy, silly, pre-packaged excuse for a genre movie. It is a Big Mac that wishes it was a juicy steak, putty food that can only sustain the most rotten of appetites.

Part 2 is due next year. If this is an indication of what’s to come, Condon better get some re-shoots underway.